I’ve talked a bit about how determining if what you are experiencing is abuse is confusing because the abuser isn’t abusive all of the time. (If they were, the chances of getting someone to stay would be slim to none.) So as odd as it may sound, there are plenty of fun and happy times peppered amongst the abuse. As I’ve mentioned in prior blogs, this is so very intentional. An abusive person wants to keep you confused and on edge as a means of controlling you.
In any event, I had originally thought that in telling my story I would discuss some of those joyful times. I had a moment last night, though, where it hit me so hard and I completely changed my mind. I’m not going to talk about those times. I will never talk about those times. Why? With a narcissistic sociopath like James, any happiness is deliberately manufactured to manipulate and, therefore, a complete lie. Why retell a lie? What good does that serve me or anyone else for that matter? It doesn’t.
Our entire relationship, from start to finish, was a lie. The ironic part of this is that James labeled ME the liar from nearly day one. Silly, foolish, abusive, lying through his veneered teeth James. He is the liar. Just like Pinocchio. If only there was such an easy tell as a nose that grows and grows in the real world.
I’m the non-lying version of Pinocchio who’s decided to cut her strings. I’m nobody’s puppet. I am getting back all of the things I lost by facing the lies planted in my sweet noggin by the monster that is James. And he would be so pissed to know that. I think July is going to be my happiest month yet.