I feel like I don’t see any part of me in the past several entries I’ve written. It’s been a rough several weeks. I don’t really know what else to say beyond that. Luckily, I have a great circle of friends and family who love the crap out of me. And a team of smart and creative professionals who also love the crap out of me.
Two weekends ago I finally got a chance to shop the tail end of the Nordstrom anniversary sale. Looking at the Paige and Madewell display and talking to the sweetest sales girl, I had a moment of either instant clarity or madness. Whichever it was, it made me feel like a bit of a genius. I was going to reinvent myself.
When I broke up with James (yes, I really will tell you that story another day) I got rid of every last thing he ever gave me. It didn’t take long and involved a Trader Joe’s sized paper bag. We’re not talking about needing a U-Haul or calling 1-800 Junk.
I was finding, however, that even with the small reminders gone, I was being triggered by, of all things, my perfume and my wardrobe. I know that sounds odd, but it’s true. So standing there, in the middle of the preppy and minimalist section of Nordstrom, I realized I needed to purge anything in my closet that are triggers to the PTSD (dang, why can’t I shove that in a paper Trader Joe’s bag and deliver it directly to James…a return to sender kind of thing) that I’m battling at present.
After several hours and four huge trash bags, it was all gone. I’m not saying everything I owned in my closet was gone. But about 3/4? You can find it at Goodwill. While it may sound wasteful or rash, it was neither. It was wonderful and freeing to load up my car with the shirt I wore in Japan, the dress I wore to one of our first dates, the cardigan I threw on when I was cold walking to The Replacements concert and on and on and on. Every last piece of it is gone.
Yes, I can heal with those items still in my life. But why do that? With the abundance of love I have in my life right now, I have found that I need less. I now am working to build a classic minimalist Frenchy kind of wardrobe with just a few pairs of jeans, a few dresses, tops, basic tee shirts, a few cardigans, black flats, leopard flats, new Converse, a rockstar pair of boots and a super cute winter coat. Add a layer of Elizabeth and James (not disordered James!) Nirvana White (simply divine) and this girl is a little less triggered and a lot more peaceful.