Q & A with Jenny

Have you ever been in other abusive relationships?

No.  Never.

Did you date other people before you met James?

I went on many dates but didn’t exclusively date anyone before meeting James.

How can you love someone who has hurt you?

I’ve struggled with this question so much and talked a bit about it in my last entry.  I haven’t yet determined whether I loved any part of the real James or if I only loved his false self. I’m really not sure.  This part still has me very confused.

Why are you writing this blog?

I am writing this blog for two reasons.  The first is to heal.  The second is for anyone who may google phrases like coercive control, emotional abuse, sexual abuse or narcissistic abuse to know that they are not alone.  I want them to understand that there is a reason they found my blog.  And that reason is because they are in the grips of someone who is at the very least controlling and at the very most is a psychopath. I want them to know that there is hope.  I want them to get the help they need to safely extract themself from their abuser.

Has James gotten help?

I think it’s possible that he has sought general therapy.  Unfortunately, abusers are experts in duping their therapists by presenting their false self and presenting themselves as victims.  In order for James to really get help, he would need to enroll in therapy geared specifically to someone who is abusive.

Does James know that you are writing this blog?

Yes.

What are you going to do about that?

That’s a good question and one that I don’t know that I’ll address in this forum.

Do you ever think you may be wrong about him?  

In the beginning, yes.  Beginning meaning the first maybe four or five months of our relationship.  But as I saw a pattern develop along with escalating behavior, I knew it was much more than that.  As many nights as I cried myself to sleep wishing I was wrong, I know that I am not.  There are also specific reasons why I know I am not wrong that I can’t talk about.

Is he abusing other women now?

I don’t know who he has or is dating.  My best guess is that he dated someone shortly after we broke up and that whatever relationship that was has ended by now.  I’m basing that on my gut and what I know about sociopathic men.  I  believe he has hurt every woman he’s dated and will continue to abuse.   I believe that as he gets older, the mask is harder to maintain.  But I suppose it’s possible that for a relationship that provides him with a high level of supply that he can maintain the facade of normalcy for longer.  So maybe 3.5 weeks?  Ha.

How long will you keep writing this blog?

For as long as it takes.  I don’t see domestic violence becoming any less of an issue for women.  I have a voice and I am going to use it.

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