I’ve seen the quote, “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate” posted online quite a bit lately in reference to, of all things, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt getting divorced. The idea being that we, as a country, are not being empathetic to a couple experiencing a divorce and should be tender to their plight.
Do you need me to hand you a tissue? Are you okay with the news? Getting through it as best you can? Shall I hold your hand? Make you a cup of soothing chamomile? Will it be difficult for you to sleep tonight? Shall I leave the light on? Tuck you in bed? Read you a story with a happy ending?
As someone who has been through the big “D” I can say without hesitation that divorce is not to be taken lightly and is devastating to all involved. I don’t think any of us go down the aisle thinking that we aren’t headed for something that will last a lifetime. And I have a huge heart for children, mine included, who wanted that happily ever after and an intact family. But please. Angelina and Brad? I don’t fucking care.
I get the idea of choosing love over hate whenever possible. I actually believe in that with my whole heart. But I’m here to tell you that there are absolutely some things that we can hate. Sometimes, hate is the way. With October being Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And with my recent escape from the bottom of the rabbit hole of abuse, I’m pretty much overflowing with hate. Here goes:
- I hate domestic violence.
- I hate that I met someone who abused, controlled and manipulated me to fill his empty bucket of a soul.
- I hate that I am asked “Why didn’t you just leave.”
- I hate that I am seen as weak or uneducated or both.
- I hate that I had to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to keep a vile and abusive boyfriend away from me, my home, my small business and my children.
- I hate that I am held to a standard in a courtroom that my abuser is not.
- I hate that my abuser is able to continue to live his life free of any consequences.
I will always promote educating others on the ugliness and trickiness that is domestic violence. I will promote it with honesty and love and, when necessary, hate. If that’s offensive to you, I don’t really know how to help you feel better about it. If you are offended by my hate, you were probably a lot like me, quite frankly, before I was abused and ignorant to what abuse and an abuser look like. It’s okay. I don’t hate you for it. I appreciate that you are taking the time to educate yourself or at least see things differently because of my experience. And that, my friend, is a lot like love.