I keep a screenshot of the Power and Control Wheel on my phone. It’s a sobering reminder to know that a wheel was created for people like me to deal with the aftermath of falling in love with people like James.
Not unlike the wheel used to represent the cycle of abuse, the wheel of power and control is a tool to identify many forms of abuse. It’s also a reminder that this bish remembers who’s cray in this equation. Sorry, watched the SNL take on a scene from Love Actually over the weekend. Just a little levity on a subject wrought with pain.
If you are doubting yourself at all, the wheel will set you straight. Just look at the Minimize/Deny/Blame section. I bring this up because abusers, to their core, are liars and manipulators. When an abuser gradually mixes initial and intermittent adoration with the forms of abuse represented in the wheel above, they create the doubt that keeps you entrenched in their cruelty. And when you doubt some more, look at the other portions of the wheel that speak to what you’ve endured.
Abusers rely upon doubt in order to continue to abuse you and to leave you bewildered once you have managed to escape the abuse. Staying in your psyche long after they are gone is their parting gift to you. Believing in what the wheel says is your gift to yourself. Because when you acknowledge the fucked up hand you were dealt, your doubt subsides and you begin the arduous task of healing.
By the way? I do not believe in playing the hand we are dealt. Nope. We throw that shit away and we make our own cards.