This is one of the hardest and most painful things that I’ve had to accept. I would like to believe there are flashes of time when James knows and even possibly feels badly for what he has done. And that perhaps his mind either shoves it aside or he rewrites history into a scenario where the pain he inflicted was either deserved or downplayed in severity.
I can assure you that I did not deserve the hurt that was so freely and unpredictably given. As far as downplaying what has been done, I wish I could. If you were a fly on the wall during my EMDR sessions where I am literally gasping for air, you would know that despite what I’ve already written? My story with James remains largely untold.