Dear Facebook User “Exasperated” by the Me Too Posts,
You annoy me. From whatever point of view your exasperation took root, let me be clear. Lending a voice to sexual assault and/or sexual harassment (yes, there are many of us who have experienced both) is not something we Me Toos ever thought would pertain to us. I absolutely never thought something like this could happen to me. Until it did.
Our pain, our shame, our trauma is real. We live it every single day in ways that range from manageable to incapacitating. None of us chose to be victimized. There is nothing I said or did or wore that created a pathway for this victimization.
Predators don’t actually look like someone you would see on a Most Wanted poster. No. They look like nice boyfriends, professors, coaches, teachers, lawyers, doctors, and the list goes on and on and on. My guess is that the person you picture in your mind resembles the boogeyman hiding behind a bush. Certainly predators like that exist. But you have to understand that they are the exception.
Although endlessly perplexed, I’m sorry if you are exasperated by a group of women who are looking to feel less alone in their trauma. But even more than being sorry? I feel sorry for you. Because your lack of understanding is exactly one of the reasons why we tell no one. The reason we keep our secrets. The reason why the cycle continues again and again and again by these perpetrators. The only thing that changes is who they target.
I will not stay silent to make you feel more comfortable.
PS – To all my fellow Me Toos? I love you. I believe you. This isn’t your fault. We must hold each other up and continue this conversation, as difficult as it is. That’s how change begins.